By the end of the nineties, I had reached a point where I could no longer avoid the existential question of whether I should hold on to a status that had become dear to me and was making me increasingly uncomfortable. From the inside, “Cosmic Baby” developed more and more into an obsessive ideal, an image, a role, a brand: for the audience and for myself, the human being Harald Blüchel disappeared behind the (consciously) self-created artificial figure that began to dominate me and whose demands the real flesh-and-blood person could no longer meet. There was no more distance, but a fatal fusion with a final “take over”.

I had to realize: My whole life was built around “Cosmic Baby”. Who was I otherwise? What was left of me?

As a quasi-living musical instrument and creative resonating body, “Cosmic Baby” had become my absolute identification: the special moments of “bundled happiness”, the intoxicating euphoria, the pure joy of experiencing parties and concerts together. The feeling of being united with complete self-affirmation. The feeling of doing something in the here and now that makes the earth tremble positively. The feeling of being loved for something that comes from you. The feeling that what you do makes other people happy. The feeling of being understood in a community. The feeling of doing something really meaningful with the sum of my creative potential, of being part of something that seemed capable of changing the whole world. The feeling of doing a thing because of the thing itself – without ulterior motives. To have found friends and kindred spirits all over the world.

The withdrawal meant a huge void. What was I supposed to do with the time that had been filled with gigs, studio time, public relations work and constant planning for the future? How could I organize my life in the face of the dwindling income associated with leaving the band? Will I remain musically creative? What happens to my self-esteem? On the other hand, isn’t it great to start all over again? To be able to dispose of your time anew. To have time to think. To have the opportunity to find a new way of shaping your life – with an open outcome.

I was encouraged by the thought that I didn’t need to forget anything from the techno era, that I didn’t need to banish anything from my memory. I wanted to preserve this (life) treasure within me, but not plunder it, not betray it, not carry on against my feelings in order to, as the saying goes, “make the best of it”.

Question: “Do I miss my old life?” Answer: “What you “miss” has to do above all with what you “need” in order to be able to lead as self-determined a life as possible in as much inner peace as possible.”

I try to remember. The first thing I missed was:
– the constant being on the road
– the constant being busy
– the adrenaline rushes before and at the concerts.

Then I missed:
– being the focus
– being admired
– always having something “new” to tell
– the direct musical inspiration from traveling to new places in the world/the intense human encounters and friendships that came about almost effortlessly.

And in general, I missed the feeling of being able to go through social life with an “access to all areas” pass, so to speak, without the need for explanation: Doors were open everywhere, there were constant requests from so-called important or interesting people, I could approach whoever I wanted, I could ask for whatever I wanted, I didn’t have to worry about money …

It took me a while to swim free. It’s like standing on the deck of a ship leaving the harbor and setting off on a journey out to sea. The land gets smaller and smaller until it disappears completely from view and all you can see around you is endless water. Open sea! The familiar gradually loses its meaning, and although the destination of the journey is not visible at all, there comes a point where you no longer want to turn back, as many new ideas, experiences and states of mind have already emerged and established themselves. Weaning yourself off the old makes room for the new.

I found that an all in all successful stage of life offered the opportunity to first let go and then set off for other shores; that different life plans can be attempted within a single human life!

Between 2000 and today, I have come to realize that real value does not lie in what can be counted, measured and accumulated; value lies in what is suspected of bringing inner peace. What that is, has to be decided ALONE by those who are looking for a new life. Be aware of the big difference between inner and outer freedom: outer freedom can always be manipulated and touched from the outside. Inner freedom cannot: only you are responsible for it. If you develop it, it cannot be taken away from you. It gives rise to your attitude, your own view of things and you throw your heart into the balance together with your mind. You practise renunciation because you make a decision. You teach yourself the “right life”. With all its trials and tribulations. You are on course …