13:33
Commuting between Hamburg and Berlin. I can’t find peace. I’m not with myself. I try as hard as I can to keep myself together. I don’t succeed. The strange dynamics in the group have a lasting effect on me. Is it just an internal attempt at persuasion, or is it in fact “good for my experience” to once again couple myself with the proverbial “life out there”, the “constraints”, “reality”. I agreed to the project. Yes! I am keeping my promise. Yes! But am I still bound by my promise if all that remains of the jointly discussed project is the name, but its concept has been completely thrown overboard? Who doesn’t keep their promise?
Is it strength of character to stick to something formally just to make it look like everything is ok? So that you can continue to be seen as “loyal”, “reliable” and “professional” and/or continue to get good jobs? Is it “disloyal” to follow your stance? What is an individual in a group allowed to get away with?
My feeling signals skepticism, because my pure sensations say: I don’t feel well – I’m completely out of place here – what’s the use and for whom?